New Digs in Austin for Dennis Quaid?

BUYER: Dennis Quaid
LOCATION: Austin, TX
PRICE: $12,500,000 (list)
SIZE: 11,103 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 7 full and 4 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last week we received a sub rosa missive from the Lonestar State's Tawny Twostepper who snitched to Your Mama that word on the real estate street in Austin, TX is that actor Dennis Quaid is in contract to purchase a swank new crib.

The cinematically prolific Mister Quaid started up his ladder of fame in the mid-1970s after his loony brother Randy earned an Oscar nomination for The Last Detail. His career hit its stride in the early 1980s and he's now appeared in more than 70 films including Great Balls of Fire! Wyatt Earp, Traffic, Far From Heaven and The Parent Trap. Along the way he married and made a baby with romantic comedy queen Meg Ryan, shoveled a lot of coke up his nose and suffered from anorexia. In 2010 he gave an Emmy, Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild award nominated performance for his portrayal of horny former president Bill Clinton in The Special Relationship.

In July of 2004 the toothy movie star married his third wife, a real estate agent from Austin, TX named Kimberly Buffington. The couple fornicated, procreated and soon produced a set of twins who underwent a life-threatening medical ordeal shortly after they were born in late 2007. Six months or so later the new parents announced that they planned to pack up their little dumplings and hightail it out of Tinseltown to Missus Quaid's hometown of Austin where, in fact, Mister Quaid already owned a home.

Not long after meeting his third bride-to-be in 2003, Mister Quaid scooped up a two-parcel property with a modestly scaled residence in Austin situated on the shore of Lake Austin. Property records indicate that Mister and Third Missus Quaid sold the property in December of 2009 to a local dentist.

Of course, we really haven't any idea where exactly they've set out their toothbrushes since the sale of their home on Lake Austin in late 2009 but Your Mama assumes that the Quaid clan has been shacked up in one of their other residences in either Montana or California. Wherever they may be bunked lately it looks like they'll soon load up their covered wagon and beeline for the Great State of Texas where they can raise up their youngins out of the harsh lights of Hollywood. According to Tawny Twostepper, Mister and Third Missus Quaid are fixin' to buy a multi-level celebrity-style mansion with 100 feet of waterfront that happens to be almost directly across the lake from his previous crib.

The house Tawny says the Quaid's are about to acquire has been owned by the same Texas family for forty years. The property passed from father to son who spent, according to Tawny, a million or more to renovate his poppa's old pad in 2007. The house has not been on the open market for some time but Your Mama managed to excavate an old listing or two that depicts the decadent dwelling as having 11,103 square feet with half a dozen bedrooms and 7 full and 4 half poopers. As far as we can tell, it was last listed on the open market with an asking price of $12,000,000.

The renovation of the mullet-style house–it's all business in the front and a party at the back–maintained the traditional brick front façade with tall arched French doors on the second floor that open to a balcony with intricate wrought iron balustrade that over looks the circular motor court. The lake side of the house, an architectural party if there ever was one, looks to Your Mama like a Brutalist ziggurat modeled on the damn Tower of Babel.

A theatrical staircase with decorative wrought iron balustrade winds itself around a voluminous atrium space that soars above part of the primary living room that includes a high-drama fireplace with copper flue. At least one of the mansion's four powder poopers has a cloisonne-style sink and the walls covered entirely in the most amazing (and disconcerting) cerulean-colored crocodile skin. Your Mama has no idea how many crocodiles had to die for that wallpaper or if, in fact, it's actually far more animal friendly paper embossed with a crocodile skin pattern. Whatever it is, it's decoratively voluptuous and Your Mama recommends anyone looking to replicate this courageous and outrageous look should sit down and think about it over a pitcher of gin & tonics. Consideration of wall covering like that is not something to be taken lightly.

Anyhoodles poodles, the quirky decorative revelations continue right on in to the tee-vee nook area of the living room where one wall has a giant boob-toob mounted to it and another entire wall is lined completely with lighted cabinets filled to the gills with guns. This highly-custom über masculine feature makes Your Mama's hair stand straight up on end but it certainly makes sense given that the seller of the property is a bit of a big game hunter.

A nearby formal dining room takes a decidedly feminine decorative turn with a florid chandelier and a hand-painted table surrounded by chairs upholstered in a pink silk brocade. It looks to Your Mama like someone requested the kitchen be fitted to look like a cliché version of a library. The gourmet space has lattice patterned green marble floors, green marble counter tops and oodles of custom cabinets either made from or made to look like they're made of mahogany. We suspect they are indeed made from mahogany. Either way this unusual mash up is rather unsettling to Your Mama and we're not sure it's wise to stylistically cross-breed a kitchen and a library.

Listing information also states and indicates via photographs, that the house includes a wine tasting room, a dark and windowless game room lined with video games and decorated with sports memorabilia and a secured vault, because y'all know how those Texas ladees like to turn it out for all those high-toned social events and charity functions loaded down with big jewels.

A bridge in the backyard spans a public street–that's right, celery sticks, it spans a public street–and connects the mansion to its myriad of millionaires-only waterfront amenities that include a boat house, dock, boat house, waterside swimming pool and spa, terraced gardens, rock waterfall, outdoor living room with fireplace and, believe it or not, an FAA approved helipad.

According to the records we peeped at, Mister and Third Missus Quaid continue to own a 2-acre equestrian estate tucked into the Mandeville Canyon area of Brentwood in Los Angeles, CA. Property records we accessed indicate that Mister Quaid paid $5,350,000 for a 2-ish acre equestrian estate in June of 1999. The Los Angeles County Tax Man shows the main manse at the Mandeville Canyon property measures 5,619 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 7 poopers.

However, an late 2008 article in Architectural Digest states that the couple actually live in a 15-room French farmhouse style residence that was not purchased until after the couple were married. Armed with the information Your Mama went hunting and pecking through the property records and determined that in October of 2005 Mister and Third Missus Quaid purchased two adjacent parcels a bit farther west in the Rustic Canyon area of Pacific Palisades. Combined the properties measure 1.96 acres and according to the Los Angeles County Tax Man includes a 7,837 square foot residence with 8 bedrooms and 9 poopers.

Since the mid 1970s Mister Quaid's property portfolio has included a ranch near Yellowstone National Park in the Paradise Valley area near rugged and rural Pray, MT. In the fall 2003 Mister Quaid let Architectural Digest behind his closed Montana doors for a photo shoot and in July of 2007 Mister Quaid married Third Missus Quaid on a hilltop on the property. In late 2008 the couple purchased a sizable chunk of adjacent property bringing the size of their spread to more than 500 acres, some of which was formerly owned by Oscar-nominated screenwriter Sam Peckinpah (The Wild Bunch). The property includes miles of bridle trails, a private observatory and a 3-mile stretch of creek that snakes through the pristine property.

The Paradise Valley area of Montana has long attracted Tinseltown types with a Big Sky bent including Jeff Bridges, Peter Fonda, Robert Redford, Harrison Ford and Michael Keaton who all own or owned ranches in the area.

listing photos: Buckman & Company via Real Estate Space

Your Mama Hears...

...from a well-connected informant we'll call Hotlanta Heidi that Oscar-nominated and Grammy-winning superstah Queen Latifah recently took a short term lease on actress/activist/exercise nut Jane Fonda's Atlanta, GA loft. Presumably Miz Latifah, who may or may not have brought along her long-time trainer Jeanette Jenkins, alit in Atlanta to make a movie, record an album, perform some other showbiz endeavor or perhaps just to take a break from the rigors of a life in Hollywood.

Miz Fonda put her 4,700 square foot doo-plex digs on the market in May of 2010 with a hefty asking price of $4,500,000. The price was quickly karate chopped to a significantly lower $2,500,000.

The still stunning–if perhaps a smidge over-pulled–septuagenarian left the Peach State last year and skedaddled to Tinseltown where, we hear from a source with intimate knowledge of the buildings, she holed up in a somewhat dingy one-bedroom rental at the star-studded Sierra Towers building on the Sunset Strip. To be honest, children, we're not sure Miz Fonda still rides the elevator at Sierra Towers with the other grande dame condo owners who include Elton John, Diahann Carroll, Cher and Joan frickin' Collins or if she's moved on to greener real estate pastures like her current record producer beau Richard Perry's posh place above the Sunset Strip.

Gore Vidal Lists Hollywood Hills Hideaway

SELLER: Gore Vidal
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,495,000
SIZE: 4,782 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: While poking around the internets in an unsuccessful attempt to locate an online listing for a property that recently popped up for sale in Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's 'hood, we ran across a little celebrity real estate surprise in the form of Gore Vidal's house in the Hollywood Hills recently listed with an asking price of $3,495,000.

The octogenarian essayist, activist, playwright, novelist and all around rabble rouser is a member of an an illustrious American family. His mother Nina's second huzband was Hugh Auchincloss, the step-father of Jackie-O. He's a fifth cousin to Jimmy Carter and is said to be distantly related to former vice-president and global warming do-gooder Al Gore.

In 1948 Mister Vidal's novel The City and The Pillar worked the nerves mainstream society due to its frank portrayal of homosexuals. In 1968 he published the racy Myra Breckinridge, which in 1970 was reworked into a cinematic flop about a sexpot tranny played by Raquel Welch. Along with his wonderfully smutty books Mister Vidal published a number of less controversial historical novels including Lincoln and Hollywood.

While working as a political commentator covering the 1968 Republican and Democratic national presidential conventions the lefty-liberal Mister Vidal had a heated, fascinating and televised exchange with conservative intellectual William F. Buckley. Vidal called Buckley a "pro-crypto-Nazi" and Buckley called Vidal a "queer." Their famous feud continued long after their on air-smack down. Buckley called Vidal "an evangelist for bisexuality" and Vidal called Buckley "anti-semitic." Buckley sued Vidal (for libel) and Vidal counter-sued (also for libel). It's sort of like what Your Mama images might happen if right-wing harridan Ann Coulter and left-side blowhard Bill Maher got put into a locked and over-heated room with just one tiny glass of water and told to come to a consensus on illegal immigration and "Obamacare."

Anyhoo, property records indicate that Mister Vidal bought his house in the Outpost Estates neighborhood of the Hollywood Hills in March of 1977 for an unbelievable $149,500. Imagine, children, the days of real estate yore when a person could buy a vintage Mediterranean mini-mansion in Los Angeles for well under two hundred grand. It boggles and bedevils the brain.

Mister Vidal's spread spans nearly half an acre an includes a 4,782 square foot Mediterranean built in 1929. Listing information shows the main house has 4 bedrooms and 4 poopers and a guest house offers another bedroom with private terliting facilities.

Mister Vidal's eclectic and haphazard day-core that positively reeks of an educated and intellectual homosexual of a certain age manifests itself immediately in the foyer where rustic carved wood beams on the ceiling create a palpable tension with a florid (and kinda fab) and gilded Rococo console.

The formal living room has distressed wide-plank wood floors, a massive carved stone fireplace and a couple of huge paintings mounted on the ceiling like it was the Sistine damn Chapel. The formal dining room has a vaulted ceiling and wide-plank wood floors. An adjacent nook with groin vault ceiling is done up in a vaguely Chinoiserie style with antique trunk and red and gold brocade banquette, velvet balloon shades and some sort of wall carving that looks to Your Mama like something Thailand-ish.

Other interior spaces include a library, bookshelf lined office, music room, and a meditation room while exterior amenities of the gated property include extensive parking, secluded gardens, large tile terraces and a tree-shaded rectangular-shaped swimming pool tucked up into the hillside behind the house.

For many years Mister Vidal and his long-time man-friend Howard Austen lived on a 6-acre cliff-top estate called La Rondinaia (Swallow's Nest), a spectacular 5,000 square foot villa in Ravello, Italy that he bought in 1972. Rich and famous folks flocked to the Ravello residence where Mister Vidal entertained the likes of Lauren Bacall, Tennessee Williams, Princess Margaret, Brad Pitt and Greta Garbo. A New York Times article from 2004 stated that the house has "six bedrooms, two studies and five fireplaces." There is also a swimming pool, pool house and sauna. The house was featured in the quirky 2004 film The Life Aquatic with Bill Murray.

Mister Vidal sold the dramatically sited digs in 2006 for a reported $17,870,000. The property was sold to a European hotelier who planned to open the residence as an intimate 7-room boo-teek hotel that can also be rented in its entirety for use as a single house.

Mister Vidal's nearby neighbors in the Outpost Estates include Charlize Theron, Desperate Housewives' Felicity Huffman, Matthew Perry, Kyle MacLachlan, Ben Stiller, and, until recently, Orlando Bloom who recently put his black house in the Outpost Estates up for lease at $18,000 per month.

listing photos: Coldwell Banker Previews International

Is Zsa Zsa Moving House?

The celebrity gossip juggernaut TMZ reported today that agéd and severely compromised Hungarian-American siren Zsa Zsa Gabor may soon make a move from her long-time residence in the Bel Air area of Los Angeles to a much smaller and more affordable condo. Or so says her controversial and famously eccentric 9th huzband.

Since 1986 Miz Gabor has been married to a kooky and much younger 7-times-married German-born character who flits around around town calling himself Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt. The Prince, a publicity seeking ball of bizarre, became tabloid catnip during the summer of 2007 when he called the Bev Hills po po to report that his Rolls Royce was overtaken by three attractive woman who handcuffed and held him up at gunpoint. When the police arrive, the Prince was found, san handcuff, sitting in his car in his damn birthday suit. That's right, beehawtcha was bare-ass naked with some cockamamie story about the ladee-robbers stealing his clothes. Have mercy, pleeze.

The Prince is not, it should be noted, a royal of any sort by blood but rather was adopted as an adult by a German princess. The circumstances of said adoption have been much speculated about in fine drawing rooms and tawdry gossip glossies around the world. Their married life has been far from calm and filled with litigious events. However, along the way Miz Gabor and the Prince adopted several adult men. Why? We'll leave y'all to ruminate and speculate on such things

Anyhoodles poodles, sketchy ol' Freddy told TMZ that the plan is to pack Zsa Zsa's prosthesis–the 94 year old eccentric grand dame has been partially paralyzed since a 2002 car accident and recently had her right leg removed–and move to a $1.5 million condo in Westwood.

The couple current crib in Bel Air was built by billionaire Howard Hughes and later owned by Elvis Presley who sold the estate to Miz Gabor in 1974. The "Prince" told TMZ that the house has 8,000 square feet and 26 rooms while the Los Angeles County Tax Man show the mansion measures 6,647 square feet and includes 4 bedrooms and 5 poopers. Since the Prince is well-known to speak hyperbole out of his back side, we're inclined to believe the Tax Man over anything he says.

The peeps at TMZ report that the property will be listed at $25-28 million, which sounds like a pretty optimistic number to Your Mama. Then again we don't know a ball of string from a cluster of grapes and maybe that's a perfectly reasonable number. We'll let all the Platinum Triangle property purveyors duke that one out.

A gated and curving drive climbs the hillside to a motor court in front of a Hollywood Regency-style residence choked by landscaping that looks like it could use a bit more thinning. Out back, red awnings shade the windows and ornate balusters enclose upper level terraces that offer city lights views. The pill-shaped swimming pool has a basket weave pattern brick terrace and a myriad of potted rose bushes and statuary that make Your Mama squeamish.

Someone we know who was inside the house many years ago says it was tastefully decorated in a old-school but down at the heels Hollywood style. We'd chop off a toe for a private tour of the house so Prince Freddy, give Your Mama a note on the email iffin you want to do a tour and brief interview about the house, okay?

For more photos of the house and grounds head on over to TMZ.

photos: TMZ