Beyonce and Jay-Z Do it Temporarily in the Hamptons

In case you ain't already heard...

According to the New York Post, procreating international entertainment industry power couple Beyoncé and Jay-Z coughed up several hundred thousand clams to lease a significant estate in the Hamptons for the month of August (2012). But, seriously, does that surprise even the most half-hearted of celebrity (real estate) watchers among us? These are, after all, the same lavish living lovebirds who regularly drop hundreds of thousands of dollars to rent mansion-sized boats for a few days at a time.

The hip-hopping couple, who each possess the sort of fame and super-stardom that allows them to be known around the planet by just one name, like Cher, Oprah, Madonna and Charo, reportedly shelled out somewhere in the neighborhood of $400,000 to lease Sandcastle, a hokey-named, Hamptons-famous estate in sleepy but impossibly swank Bridgehampton, NY currently listed for sale with a reduced from $50,000,000 but still boo-tox blistering asking price of $43,500,000.

The children may (or may not) recall that two summers ago direct marketing lady-mogul of a certain age named Cheryl Mercuris plunked down a bone rattling half a million bucks to lease the behemoth Sandcastle for just two weeks in August. Miz Mercuris, bless her Tampa (FL)-based heart, made no bones about the fact that she wanted to spend a little time in the Hamptons so that she could do the hokey-pokey (or whatever) with some quality, wealthy men. She did not, so the story goes, snag a man that summer of it but she must have had a sufficiently good time that the next summer (2011) she returned for the entire month of July.

Anyhoo, the best way to take in the shopping center-sized Sandcastle is not with a bunch of over processed "prose" from Your Mama but rather by the numbers and with listing photos.

Sandcastle, just about 1.5 miles from the beach, encompasses 11.5 pancake flat acres and includes a gated and complicated series of interconnected driveways and motor courts, farm views, and (approx.) 31,000 square feet of luxury living on three full floors, including a 40-foot long living room with two fireplaces and a library/office sheathed floor and ceiling with high gloss wood work and paneling.

Altogether the compound-like estate has, according to current listing information, 12 bedrooms and 12 bathrooms, including a sprawling, 2,800 square foot master suite with private sun deck and a marble- (or maybe onyx-) floored lady's pooper far larger—we guesstimate—than the average two-bedroom tenement apartment in lower Manhattan.

In addition to all the usual accouterments to be expected in a super-pricey summer rental in the Hamptons—60-foot swimming pool, spa and sunken tennis court with pergola-shaded viewing terrace—the self-contained estate also includes a 4,000 square foot poolside entertaining pavilion with adjoining outdoor kitchen; a 10-seat home theater with swanky adjustable seats; a full spa with massage area and steam room; a state-of-the-art two-lane bowling alley and squash/racquetball court, media lounge with (at least) five tee-vees sunken into the wall—breathe, breathe, breathe—a disco with full bar; indoor rock climbing wall and skateboard half-pipe—because everyone needs one of those in the basement; a children's performing area—whatever that is; an 8-car garage with hydraulic lifts and, not to be outdone by Jerry Seinfeld, a baseball diamond in the back yard.

Good grief.

Call Your Mama old fashioned—and Lord knows we've been called far worse—but iffin we we're gonna spend big bucks and a few weeks in the Hamptons this (or any other) summer, we'd much prefer something less, well, all-inclusive. All Your Mama requires for few weeks beach vacation happiness—and we really could use some beach vacation happiness—is a simple and charming shack on (or even near) the beach, a beat-up bicycle, 10 pounds of fresh corn and tomatoes, a handful of novels including at least one preferably unauthorized biography, a couple of Costco-sized bottled of gin, a smart phone—we're beholden and handcuffed to a base level of daily technology just like everybody else, and a diverse and endless supply of candy.

Whatever do people like Jay-Z and Beyoncé do with all this house? Do they ride the half pipe? Climb the rock wall thingy? Do they take 8 cars on vacation? With 12 bedrooms, the compound easily sleeps 24. Do they have a dozen more house guests at any one time? Is that how they roll? With a dozen or more family members, assistants, domestic staff and hangers on lurking around at all times?

listing photos: Corcoran