A New Crib in New York City for Sarah Jessica Parker

Your Mama has lost the last five or six weeks to the time-consuming and vexatious anarchy of a filthy home renovation project, a week in a remote corner of the desert without a reliable connection to the interweb and a couple of high-maintenance house guests, that would be Fiona Trambeau and our pill poppin' lipstick lezzie pal Jolene. As a result, over these last weeks Your Mama missed any number of juicy celebrity real estate stories. One of those stories that somehow slipped quietly by our overly distracted radar that we'd like to go back and pick up was the real estate skinny on New York City celebrity citizens Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick who, it was speculated, are moving on over to the east side.

We're well aware we're beyond late to this party, so iffin any of the children already know all they want to know on the recent real estate matters of SJP and MB then keep your dawgs moving.

For the last decade or so the showbiz superstars shacked up in a desirably-located 4,000+ square foot West Village townhouse–just north of Sheridan Square–that prop records show was purchased in April 2000 for $2,995,000.

Just try to imagine, children, being able to snatch up an townhouse of any size in any condition anywhere in the West Village nowadays for less than three million clams? Even in the current, less than electric real estate market, a townhouse fan-tuh-see is just about all three million bucks will buy in New York's excessively gentrified and frighteningly expensive West Village. In fact, according to Streeteasy the two least expensive West Village townhouse properties currently on the market are listed at 4.3 and 4.5 million clams. One of the townhouses–as per the listing– is "...in need of a complete gut renovation!" and both, all the Chicken Littles should note, are in contract. The third least expensive West Village townhouse comes in with a considerably higher price tag of $5,750,000 but, butter beans, it has just one bedroom and 1.5 bathrooms on three floors, plus a basement level studio apartment with separate entrance.

Anyhoodles poodles.... Two or three years ago Mister and Missus Broderick-Parker were stricken with a case of The Real Estate Itchy Feet that took them on wild goose chase up to Park Avenue where they toured clothing designer David Chu's terraced triplex penthouse, over to the Upper West Side where they peeped at a sprawling 8-bedroom duplex owned by heiress Laurie Tisch and back downtown to the hot hot hot and obscenely gentrified Bowery neighborhood–formerly New York's very own skid row–where they reportedly toured another very contemporary triplex loft at the legendary Bouwerie Lane Theatre building cum 54 Bond building at least four times.

Well, glory be and praise Jeezis (or whatever) because the Broderick-Parker posse has finally picked a place to live and it isn't the east side as in the East Village or the Upper East Side. They're actually only schlepping their shit four or five blocks in a slightly northern and easterly direction from their current crib in the West Village to a fully updated and upgraded 14-room townhouse on a tree-lined street in the heart Greenwich Village, a few blocks south of Union Square.

The four-floor townhouse rumored and reported to be the new nest of the Broderick-Parkers was first put on the market, according to Streeteasy, in September of 2009 with an asking price of $19,900,000. Listing information from that time shows the 25-foot wide townhouse, built in 1846, measures somewhere around 6,800 square feet and include 5 bedrooms and 5 full and 5 half poopers. Your Mama does not even need to work the abacus or count our fingers to see that the downtown denizens' new home has ten–count 'em, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-TEN–terlits. Undoubtedly the beaver bizzy working parents of three youngsters will require a minimum wage gurl come in thrice a week to maintain all ten of them terlits and keep them sparkling like a diamond and smelling sweet like a Pez dispenser.

Let's have a look-see at a few more pertinent and fascinating numbers about the Broderick-Parker's (alleged) new abode: 7 working wood-burning fireplaces, 5-zone HVAC system and 5 security cameras that will record your nosy ass iffin you so much as glance at the house as you amble on by. At the time the house was first listed, there were 11 active phone lines operating in the house with the capacity for 250 more. No, babies, our long and louche liquid brunch at the Sunset Marquis hotel in West Hollywood and our even more liquid-y dinner at home with the Dr. Cooter did not cause Your Mama to make a typo; Listing information states the phone system wiring in the townhouse has the capacity to manage upwards of 250 lines. Bitch, pleeze. That's just about the most absurd thing Your Mama has heard in a long damn time. Your Mama would bet our long bodied bitches there ain't a person alive who could sufficiently explain why a family of five–plus whatever household staff they employ–could ever make use of 100 telephone lines let alone 250 of the damn things.

There we go digressin' again...The listing for the 160-year old house vanished from the internets in late 2009 but apparently the townhouse was still for sale if you knew the right people and shouted out the right price. The Broderick-Parkers–natch–knew the right people and the right price, according to property records, turned out to be a very a-list $18,995,000.

As previously reported far and wide, the townhouse property was purchased by an entity with the confusing but charming name of the "Heirloom Trust." While no one has yet to connect SJP or MB directly to the deed, the trust is controlled by a man named Frank Selvaggi who is known among the people who know about these things as Missus Broderick-Parker's business manager. Mister Selvaggi's name on the paperwork does not a slam dunk make this matter. In addition to SJP, Mister Selvaggi is known to represent (or have represented) the business affairs of other high profile peeps including actor Dylan McDermott. None-the-less and like young whippersnapper celebrity real estate gossip Mister Matt Chaban at the Observer, we'd bet our long bodied bitches the buyer of the townhouse in question was indeed Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick.

Meanwhile, a slightly larger townhouse a few doors down from Sarah Jessie and Matty (alleged) new townhouse was re-listed in early November 2010 with an asking price of $14,900,000. The 25-foot wide townhouse, according to listing information, was built in 1848, has 14-foot ceilings and scads of original detailing, parquet floors, elegant arched door ways and 11 marble fireplaces. For the last 80 years or so the 5-floor and 8,475 square foot building was utilized as The Pen and Brush, a nonprofit space for public exhibitions, performances and artist studio space.

What does this have to do with SJP and MB, the children ask? Well, this is not the first time at the real estate rodeo for the arty Pen and Brush building. From June 2008 until February of 2009, the historic house was on the market with a $13,250,000 price tag. Eight months later The Pen and Brush building reappeared with a notably higher asking price of $14,900,000. Sometime in 2010, according to the Observer, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick attempted to purchase The Pen and Brush building with an offer of $13,000,000. Although the listing agent for the property did not finger SJP and MB as the buyer who backed out of the deal, he did say that it fell apart because the building could not be delivered vacant at the time of the closing due to some of the artists in residence resisting a sale that would boot them from their studios.

In addition to their new townhouse in Greenwich Village and their old townhouse in the West Village, which Your Mama predicts will be put up for sale–or sold quietly off-market–in the next 12-18 months if not sooner, Mister and Missus Broderick-Parker own a two modestly sized homes across the street from each other–one directly on the ocean–in the sleepy and casual but still hideously expensive Hamptons enclave of Amagansett, NY. Property records show they acquired the ocean front property in June 2005 fort $4,600,000 and the itty-bitty beach shack across the street about a month later for $2,000,000.